Thursday, May 12, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Special Advertising Section: An NBC TV Movie Event
Finding the most reclusive, most wanted terrorist in the world was the easy part. Planning and training a masterfully timed pinpoint accurate secret mission to attack and kill him was also pretty easy. But giving the go-ahead to go through with it once everything was ready and waiting on the table? That? That was hard.
This is the story about one man. One man who refused to say no after a while, and then had the guts to finally stand up and say "yes".
As in, "Yes. You go ahead and do what you're trained to do. You guys are a bunch of soulless automatons of the US military-industrial complex anyway. Me? I'm the one that nods the head. I blink once for yes, {blink} and twice for no, {blink} {blink}. I'm like a cobra. A cobra that does it all and doesn't need any credit for it, even though I somehow end up taking virtually all of the credit when things go well, and/or getting far, far away from blame when they don't. And if you were paying attention, you could even argue that I fought against every policy that enabled this to happen.
Look. Let me be clear. As I said before, I can't help it if people want to look at this and acknowledge how amazing I am, {blink} {blink} {blink}.
Yeah, three blinks is maybe. As in, 'maybe' I am pretty incredible after all."
Bang bang, hiding terrorist. He got you. He got you because he loves America and is a great, great person who is better than anyone else and did this all by himself because no one helped especially Republicans.
Get yourself ready for a very important NBC television movie special:
Ripped from the headlines, and is not just some pre-planned laudatory biographical celebration that's been waiting in a can somewhere for something big to happen so we have a prime time excuse to show you over and over again why this guy makes us weak in the knees.
The Man Who Got Bin Laden. Every night at 8 and every day at 11 and 3. Don't miss it.
This is the story about one man. One man who refused to say no after a while, and then had the guts to finally stand up and say "yes".
As in, "Yes. You go ahead and do what you're trained to do. You guys are a bunch of soulless automatons of the US military-industrial complex anyway. Me? I'm the one that nods the head. I blink once for yes, {blink} and twice for no, {blink} {blink}. I'm like a cobra. A cobra that does it all and doesn't need any credit for it, even though I somehow end up taking virtually all of the credit when things go well, and/or getting far, far away from blame when they don't. And if you were paying attention, you could even argue that I fought against every policy that enabled this to happen.
Look. Let me be clear. As I said before, I can't help it if people want to look at this and acknowledge how amazing I am, {blink} {blink} {blink}.
Yeah, three blinks is maybe. As in, 'maybe' I am pretty incredible after all."
Bang bang, hiding terrorist. He got you. He got you because he loves America and is a great, great person who is better than anyone else and did this all by himself because no one helped especially Republicans.
Get yourself ready for a very important NBC television movie special:
Ripped from the headlines, and is not just some pre-planned laudatory biographical celebration that's been waiting in a can somewhere for something big to happen so we have a prime time excuse to show you over and over again why this guy makes us weak in the knees.
The Man Who Got Bin Laden. Every night at 8 and every day at 11 and 3. Don't miss it.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Finally Something That Isn't Bush's Fault
Isn't it refreshing. After 26 months in office, finally something has happened that is not the fault of George W. Bush, the presidential predecessor who nearly wrecked the entire world and couldn't get Bin Laden.
The assassination of Osama Bin Laden is so precisely of Barack Obama's doing that to argue otherwise would be positively insane. You know, sort of like asking to see Obama's birth certificate. Har har har. Stupid tea partiers. This is how a real president conducts a war. The Republicans, were they not so closed-minded, could start learning some valuable lessons here.
Now, thankfully, we can get back to the tanking economy, streaking unemployment, and untenable food and gas prices which all still have absolutely nothing to do with Obama or the Democrats. Yes We Did!!!
The assassination of Osama Bin Laden is so precisely of Barack Obama's doing that to argue otherwise would be positively insane. You know, sort of like asking to see Obama's birth certificate. Har har har. Stupid tea partiers. This is how a real president conducts a war. The Republicans, were they not so closed-minded, could start learning some valuable lessons here.
Now, thankfully, we can get back to the tanking economy, streaking unemployment, and untenable food and gas prices which all still have absolutely nothing to do with Obama or the Democrats. Yes We Did!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
"Taxday" by Rebecca Barack (Sung to "Friday" by Rebecca Black)
Yeah, yeah
[Rebecca Barack - Verse 1]
7pm, standin' up at the podium
Gotta focus, gotta read the totus
Gotta be smart, gotta sound cereal
Seein’ all the words, the scroll is rollin’...
Scrollin’ on and on, everybody’s listenin’
Gotta get down to the bot-tom
Gotta catch my golf cart... I see my Dems...
Starin' at the rich folk
Eyein' all the old folk
Gotta make my mind up...
Whose money can I take...?
It’s Taxday, Taxday
Grabbin' it all on Taxday
All my comrades lookin’ forward to the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Everything's mine on Taxday
You know I'll be spreadin' the wealth... on the fifteenth (yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
7:45, I'm drivin’ at the first hole
Golfing's so hard, I want the ball to fly
One, One, thinkin' about One
You know I'm The One...
I got this, you had this
Your money's in my hand...
I got this, you had this
And don't, you, miss, it?
Glancin' at the left one
Gazin' at the right one
Gotta flip a coin now...
Which pocket should I pick...?
[Chorus]
It’s Taxday, Taxday
O-M-G! it's Taxday
None of my buddies pay them on the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Food tastes better on Taxday
You know I'll be spreadin' the wealth... on the fifteenth (yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Taxday, Taxday
I-I-I so excited
I so excited
I gonna take it all to-day...
Tomorrow is the sixteenth
And the seventeenth comes after...wards
I don’t want April Fifteenth to end.........
[Rap Verse]
MC Rebecca Barack
He chillin’ on the front nine (on the front nine)
On the back nine (on the back nine)
He's driving, pitchin'
Using clubs, switchin’ clubs
Wit' a shot in the sand...
Get a caddy now, to go dig it out
Mulligan, mulligan, it didn't happen
Just like the first two years of his presidency
We still blamin' Bush for the last eight years, nevermind...
[Chorus]
It’s Taxday, Taxday
Love be-ing me on Taxday
My cronies get your money on the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Growin' the gov on Taxday
You know we'll be fattenin' up... on the fifteenth (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
[repeat and fade]
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Wisconsin Special Election: Kloppenburg is the Winner... of Our Hearts
After a topsy turvy few days which culminated in discovery of a computer error sending 7,000+ votes her opponent Prosser's way, it appears the Wisconsin special election has turned, and Joanne Kloppenburg has officially "lost".
But we just wanted to say Joanne, that while you may have lost in terms of "number of votes", you won the only victory that matters.... the victory of our hearts.
Sure, the Rethuglicans and Teabaggers will be gloating for the next several days, making speeches, dancing around, doing victory laps and performing certain unnameable acts with dessert stuffs, but what they cannot do is claim the higher moral ground.
Wars are not won one little meaningless special election at a time. They are won through engaging people on a non-visceral, spiritual level. You have done that to us, Joanne. You have done that to everyone who voted for you.
And those that voted for you, they can be consoled by this fact. All the union money that was spent on this election was not for naught, it was not "blown"... because it went for a good cause. And good causes are good. That's why they are called "good causes". And yes, you can rest assured we will surely win the next special election, and if Prosser-Kloppenburg ('scuse us, "Kloppenburg-Prosser") was to play out again right now, I would even be willing to bet that you would prevail, Joanne. We would prevail because we know we are right. And knowing is half the battle.
Chaucer once said that justice is a long and winding road. Today we hit a bump in that road and our big open truck full of brightly colored fruits and vegetables went flying all over the intersection in super-slo-mo Matrix style IMAX 3D bullet-time for the teabaggers to replay over and over again in their minds and blogs for at least the next week or so. But they cannot claim the moral victory, and the moral victory is what we have all our own.
So let their candidate "win"... let him sit there on the court making all his little decisions, and let him think deep down about what he truly is, and what he has done, and let him ruminate over that for a while.
They hit their game-winning shot, but it came after the buzzer. The refs blew the call and they should have gone home losers because they lost fair and square. That's what anyone with any true character would do. But they are Republicans and they will not do that, so we will exit the stadium knowing that we're the ones who really won the game, and at the end of the day, isn't that all that matters?
We will know deep down in ourselves that we are the true winners of this election, that Joanne and our side comported ourselves with dignity, style, grace and good humor, while they set vicious animals alight and cavorted around with disgusting sexual innuendo while smiling and laughing and dancing and high fiving each other in an endless circle of complete and utter devastating flame-retardant electoral victory.
But we will not be broken. Our spirits are as soaring high, Joanne, as high as your vote tally was on Tuesday night and for most of Wednesday and Thursday. And that you came so close to winning a statewide election despite the fact that you could scare the very siding off of a house, has not gone unnoticed in these quarters.
We know who the real winners are in this week's special election. You won something that cannot be counted by mere "votes" alone. You get more than just a gold star from us. You also get the Participation Trophy.
Thank you for your participation, Joanne.
You lost out on a seat, but you have won something they cannot. You have won the victory.... the victory of the human heart.
But we just wanted to say Joanne, that while you may have lost in terms of "number of votes", you won the only victory that matters.... the victory of our hearts.
Sure, the Rethuglicans and Teabaggers will be gloating for the next several days, making speeches, dancing around, doing victory laps and performing certain unnameable acts with dessert stuffs, but what they cannot do is claim the higher moral ground.Wars are not won one little meaningless special election at a time. They are won through engaging people on a non-visceral, spiritual level. You have done that to us, Joanne. You have done that to everyone who voted for you.
And those that voted for you, they can be consoled by this fact. All the union money that was spent on this election was not for naught, it was not "blown"... because it went for a good cause. And good causes are good. That's why they are called "good causes". And yes, you can rest assured we will surely win the next special election, and if Prosser-Kloppenburg ('scuse us, "Kloppenburg-Prosser") was to play out again right now, I would even be willing to bet that you would prevail, Joanne. We would prevail because we know we are right. And knowing is half the battle.
Chaucer once said that justice is a long and winding road. Today we hit a bump in that road and our big open truck full of brightly colored fruits and vegetables went flying all over the intersection in super-slo-mo Matrix style IMAX 3D bullet-time for the teabaggers to replay over and over again in their minds and blogs for at least the next week or so. But they cannot claim the moral victory, and the moral victory is what we have all our own.
So let their candidate "win"... let him sit there on the court making all his little decisions, and let him think deep down about what he truly is, and what he has done, and let him ruminate over that for a while.
They hit their game-winning shot, but it came after the buzzer. The refs blew the call and they should have gone home losers because they lost fair and square. That's what anyone with any true character would do. But they are Republicans and they will not do that, so we will exit the stadium knowing that we're the ones who really won the game, and at the end of the day, isn't that all that matters?
We will know deep down in ourselves that we are the true winners of this election, that Joanne and our side comported ourselves with dignity, style, grace and good humor, while they set vicious animals alight and cavorted around with disgusting sexual innuendo while smiling and laughing and dancing and high fiving each other in an endless circle of complete and utter devastating flame-retardant electoral victory.
But we will not be broken. Our spirits are as soaring high, Joanne, as high as your vote tally was on Tuesday night and for most of Wednesday and Thursday. And that you came so close to winning a statewide election despite the fact that you could scare the very siding off of a house, has not gone unnoticed in these quarters.
We know who the real winners are in this week's special election. You won something that cannot be counted by mere "votes" alone. You get more than just a gold star from us. You also get the Participation Trophy.
Thank you for your participation, Joanne.
You lost out on a seat, but you have won something they cannot. You have won the victory.... the victory of the human heart.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Obama Apologizes to Libya For Missile Strikes
Sunday, as the bombs rained down on specific targets inside Libya, President Obama was busy preparing a historic unprecedented speech, in which he would apologize for America's atrocities at the same exact time it was committing them.
Last evening, Obama gave that speech.
"In America, there’s a failure to appreciate the wonderfulness of the arab world, and all that the Muslims have contributed to modern society", he said. "The arrogance with which we hold our heads up as the universe's policemen hurts me, almost as much as it hinders world progress. In short, we are sorry for all this bombing that I have unilaterally ordered."
A little later on, he continued, "In a world that is as complex as it is, it is very important for us to be able to forge partnerships as opposed to simply dictating solutions. Therefore, from the bottom of my aching heart, I apologize for all these missiles.”
"It's true that our government has made decisions based on fear rather than foresight, that all too often we trimmed facts and evidence to fit ideological predispositions, and then started dropping bombs on you. If the people of Libya listen carefully, you should be able to hear these words. 'Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry.'"
Finally, he concluded with the following stirring words, "It is not and will never be America's place to be the moral rulers of mankind, as we too have made mistakes of our own, including those this very week in your nation. On behalf of America and its wide array of historical moral failings, including but not limited to, slavery, segregation and Islamophobia, I am sorry. I am sorry for what we've been, I'm sorry for what we are and I am sorry for what we have become. I'm also sorry once again for the missiles."
Last evening, Obama gave that speech.
"In America, there’s a failure to appreciate the wonderfulness of the arab world, and all that the Muslims have contributed to modern society", he said. "The arrogance with which we hold our heads up as the universe's policemen hurts me, almost as much as it hinders world progress. In short, we are sorry for all this bombing that I have unilaterally ordered."
A little later on, he continued, "In a world that is as complex as it is, it is very important for us to be able to forge partnerships as opposed to simply dictating solutions. Therefore, from the bottom of my aching heart, I apologize for all these missiles.”
"It's true that our government has made decisions based on fear rather than foresight, that all too often we trimmed facts and evidence to fit ideological predispositions, and then started dropping bombs on you. If the people of Libya listen carefully, you should be able to hear these words. 'Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry.'"
Finally, he concluded with the following stirring words, "It is not and will never be America's place to be the moral rulers of mankind, as we too have made mistakes of our own, including those this very week in your nation. On behalf of America and its wide array of historical moral failings, including but not limited to, slavery, segregation and Islamophobia, I am sorry. I am sorry for what we've been, I'm sorry for what we are and I am sorry for what we have become. I'm also sorry once again for the missiles."
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