Mega Independent Poll: Coakley 90%, Brown 0%

We polled 2500 Independent readers about the Special Senate Election on Tuesday to take the temperature of the independent electorate. Thank you to all who responded.

Coakley Aide Barely Survives Ninja Reporter Attack

On Tuesday night, outside a fundraiser for Martha Coakley's Massachusetts senate campaign, Martha Coakley and campaign aide Michael Meehan were clearly minding their own business on the street when a conservative ninja reporter tried to do injurious harm both of them. As you can clearly see in the above photo, Meehan's knees are totally defenseless to the ground attack from the dragon fisted reporter.

"This was a blindside assault on some people that were just walking down the street, not doing anything to anyone. Shoes can be a very deadly weapon, and the ground can provide an unbelievable amount of leverage for a hematoma-inducing scissor kick. And hematomas can kill", remarked Attorney General Eric Holder. "We take low-level stealth aggression such as this one very seriously, and rest assured we will investigate and prosecute to the fullest extent of the law."

Political expert Chris Matthews of hard-hitting investigative news channel MSNBC declared, "This is pure desperation by a white teabagging minority, who have to resort to sneaky acts of violence when they can't win the popular vote. Martha is lucky that black metal grate was there to block the ninja reporter's further onslaught of martial arts madness."

A Democratic strategist who wished to remain anonymous said, "I'm afraid to walk down the street now. This suprise aggression has terrorized me. You never know when some biased conservative reporter is going to be lying on the ground facing up with his fierce limbs of kung fu fury flying at you from all directions. I'm always looking down now to make sure my path is totally clear."

There are conflicting reports from eyewitnesses over what the reporter was screaming while he was on the ground. It was either "Die, democrat die, I'll kill you, you lousy healthcare reforming, tax the rich and help the poor, save the planet from deadly warming, punish evil corporations for stealing from everyone, liberal, DIE!!!!!!!!", or "Ouch, please, help me up".

If it was "Ouch, please, help me up", you can be sure he said it very menacingly, with a look of pure terrorization in his eyes.

Mega Independent Special Election Coverage: The Mega Independent Endorses Martha Coakley

As part of our continuing unbiased coverage of all things political, the Mega Independent heartily endorses Martha Coakley in the special election for the Massachusetts seat owned by Ted Kennedy on January 19th.

The seat, which embodies Kennedy's bold independent pioneering will of open-handed bipartisanship, is waiting for someone to fill it who can bring to the table a similar moderate, go-anywhere spirit.

This special election isn't about left or right, it's about moving forward. And how can you move forward with a 59-41 split in Congress, a virtual stalemate? Are frozen unpassable bills what the founders had in mind when they created the legislative branch? Obviously not or they would have specified that they were making a branch of government where they didn't want anything to ever happen.

There's an old cliche in Washington - "Nothing good ever gets done unless you force it through behind closed doors in the dark of night with an overwhelming majority that nobody can stop". It is just this brash, self-reliant, not-beholden-to-any-special-interest enthusiasm that Washington needs, and that Martha Coakley embodies.

Martha Coakley's fundraiser last night, hosted by a diverse range of top health insurance and pharmaceutical lobbyists, demonstrates a stout resolution of "working together" that America so desperately craves.

And who supports her opponent, Scott Brown? People with money, that's who. On Monday, Scott Brown initiated an online "money bomb" (note the threatening teabag terror language) where he claimed at the beginning of the day that he wanted to raise $500,000. Well, by the end of the day, he'd raised over $1,000,000, displaying both an obvious lack of foresight, poor judgment, and most of all, clumsy handling of all things monetary.

If you worked for some big financial company, and underestimated some future transaction by more than 100%, you would be out of a job right now. It's that simple. Is this the type of man you want voting for your thousand page bills?

Scott Brown will tell you that he is beholden to the special interests of the Founding Fathers. And he is. Provided they appear on spendable legal tender.

On Tuesday January 19th, you have a choice. Do you want someone in Washington who is going to do what she and the pharmaceutical industry know will make America awesome? Or do you want a me-me-me, go-getter in Washington, who is going to base all of his decisions on the money he can "bomb" for his next so-called "campaign"?

If you happen to be passing through Massachusetts on Tuesday, go to the nearest voting booth and vote Coakley. Then find another polling station and do it again. If you see someone at one of these precincts and they look like they might be voting for Scott Brown, casually brandish a night stick before they go inside and let them know that you know that they will "make the right choice". With any luck they'll get scared and call the police. By the time the law comes and sorts everything out, they might even forget that they didn't vote.

Please Note: The Mega Independent does not endorse violence or even the not-so-veiled threat of violence against anybody, especially if they agree with our deeply held core values. The threat of violence with a night stick is wrong and it is a choice you will have to make independently on your own, based on how much you happen to think somebody might disagree with you. The Mega Independent does not endorse the use of night sticks by civilians outside voting precincts, and at the bottom of this article, you will not see a list of places where you can find night sticks with donkey logos, in a variety of ultra-visible and mega-fashionable day-glo colors, in handy sizes that fit even the biggest, strongest, most menacing vote suppressing fists.