Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Beautiful New U.S. Health Care System Chart Unveiled

Congress has just released a chart that gives a little more insight into the terrific new healthcare system that President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and the rest of the Democrats created, in spite of the objections of backward Republicans and racists across the land.

The chart is a bit difficult to read at this resolution, so the Mega Independent Healthcare Advisory Team (established March 2010; board rights, responsibilities and duties coming soon!) has released a key that explains it all.

Dark Blue = Awesome
Orange = Fantastic
Yellow = Amazing
Light Blue = Super Duper
Tan = Incredible
Green = Glorious

Diamonds = Extraordinary
Squares = Mindblowing
Rectangles = Electrifying
Circles = Monumental
Hexagons = Primo
Lines = Tremendous

Who needs the old system which was just boring old patients, doctors, hospitals and insurance companies when you can have THIS? Ohhhhhh, beautiful for spaaaaacious skies, for amber waves of graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnn..........

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Hero Democrat Saves Constituent From Deadly Killer Bees

Amazing new video has surfaced of Democrat Rep. Ciro Rodriguez from Texas throwing himself in harm's way to avert potential disaster for a roomful of constituents.

After being challenged by a disgruntled Tea Party activist on the Republican version of "truth", Mr. Rodriguez spoke real truth to power... and then saved her from a swarm of deadly killer bees.

20 years ago, killer bees, manufactured in a lab and let loose by accident, infiltrated this country and 67 others. Some scientists estimate they have since caused somewhere north of 21 million deaths. "Nobody knows the true number of deaths, since death by a swarm of killer bees is so similar to death by natural causes", remarked one Insect/Climate Scientist from UC Berkeley.

Republicans are more than happy to carp constantly about all about the so-called "illegals" crossing the border from Mexico, but when it comes to real murderers, they are silent and inactive. Only one man in this election season, a Democrat, has stood directly up for the civil right to not be killed by killer bees.

Take a look at the video and see it for yourself. At 27 seconds, he notices the bees, and moves closer to his challenger, to protect her. But the act of pure heroism occurs at 34 seconds, when he takes a mere newspaper and smashes the swarm, which had obviously been disturbed by her loud, obnoxious dissent. Even a bunch of mutated bees know that it is not up to her, a lowly citizen, to question the purity, motive, or honestly of her rightfully elected representative.

You'll also note that once he's smashed the living daylights out of every last bee, he says firmly, "I'm not going to take any {inaudible}". Well, the inaudible part is obviously "credit". He knows what he's just done. But he doesn't want any credit for it. He just wants to represent.

Republicans want to build a wall on our border, a wall that could never be tall enough to stop killer bees. Or they want to build a fence, with holes in it that any swarm could easily fit through, one or two at a time. But Ciro Rodriguez knows the score. He kills them first, and asks questions later. That's why we are granting him our Mega Independent Medal of Honor, and our Mega Nobel Prize... for Amazing Selflessness.

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