Monday, June 20, 2011

Obama Creates Job By Replacing Teleprompter With Cuecard Guy

In this era of automation, and computers taking over our lives, it is nice to see that we have a President willing to stand up for the little guy. President Obama reminded us last week that ATM's and airport kiosks are one of the main reasons we're facing record unemployment and skyrocketing food and energy prices. Think of how much money we could save if we hired somebody to do everything instead of having machines do it all for us. This is the kind of progressive, forward thinking that Democrats are constantly engaging in to get you back to work.

In the spirit of that, the President has put his money where his mouth is and has banned the teleprompter from all Presidential speeches, lectures, meetings and kindergarten classrooms, and instead will be carting around a Cuecard Guy, who will serve the same purpose as the teleprompter, but in addition will get all the benefits of working for the Federal Government, like a gold star healthcare and retirement plan for his family. In this economy, it is never the wrong time or place to create a job.

If you're interested in job creation yourself but can't create an actual job, you still can participate. Instead of sending that important document to your energy-hogging printer tomorrow morning, ask a secretary to copy it down for you with her ball point. And for breakfast, don't put your bread in the earth-murdering toaster. Instead, start a fire. Do it like all those well employed cavemen did. If you're a housewife, show your solidarity with the create-a-job movement by bringing your laundry down to the nearest fresh water stream and doing it with a washboard. Just like "being green", you don't have to actually accomplish anything or stick to any hard and fast principles. It's the thought that counts.

So thank you to President Obama for leading by example in this all important anti-technology employment movement. Stand with us, and we will get unemployment down, we will save his Presidency, and we will create jobs. Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.


  1. "as I've said many times before next card"

  2. Inno - "If you like your next card..."

    Bob - Is that shirt he's wearing already Peaceful Purple, or is it me?


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