Stewart Rally Draws 5 Crillion

Early reports from the Washington D.C. mall estimate that 5 crillion people showed up to John Stewart's Rally for Sanity today. This moderate, non-political rally demonstrates that Democrat voters are as engaged as ever, that independents, as always, will be voting Democrat, and progressives will crush everyone in their path on Tuesday, gaining, not losing seats in the House and Senate.

Corporate donations to campaigns will soon be illegal, while Unions will able to donate whatever they want to anyone at anytime. Say goodbye to the Bush tax cuts and hello to Cap and Trade, the new tax on everything. A moderate 10% VAT is now on the table, to stop corporate interests from selling you what they want you to buy, and what you think you want to buy. Government will now takeover whatever industry we have in their sights next. The sane party of liberals will win forever and the insane Tea Party will disband. All because John Stewart drew 5 crillion people. Wait, make that 6 bajillion.

Better luck next time, Rethuglikkklanners. Your rally a few months ago had no one. We have everyone. Sheryl Crow is there. Goodbye Tea Party. In the words of the great Goldfinger, "We don't expect you to talk. We expect you to die."