Saturday, October 30, 2010

Institutional Racism Draws Mostly Whites to Stewart Rally

For those wingnuts out there complaining that the Stewart rally is all white, first of all, we just want to say that it's a comedy rally. Only racists like you would notice the colors of people at comedy rallies.

For years, Hispanics and blacks have been disenfranchised from comedy, so it comes as no surprise to the TMI staff that this rally, a comedy rally having nothing to do with politics at all, would be predominantly white. Maybe when hilariously funny African Americans and Hispanics are given a national platform to do their routines, will we start seeing black and Hispanic people more empowered to attend these rallies. Unlike the Tea Party, we do not fondly wish for the days of minstrel shows and Al Jolson singing "Mammy".

Until the day when, for example, Muslim comedians are given the same platform as everyone else, the structural racism inherent in the system created by the Founders will of course make rallies like this one appear to be relatively white.

The fact that this rally looks just as white as the Glenn Beck political rally a few weeks ago is just another in a long line of black marks on the Tea Party. Actually, it's probably a Tea Partier that came up with the term "black mark". From now on, to show our open-minded tolerance of all races and creeds, we'll refer to "black marks" as "marks of color".

Stewart Rally Draws 5 Crillion

Early reports from the Washington D.C. mall estimate that 5 crillion people showed up to John Stewart's Rally for Sanity today. This moderate, non-political rally demonstrates that Democrat voters are as engaged as ever, that independents, as always, will be voting Democrat, and progressives will crush everyone in their path on Tuesday, gaining, not losing seats in the House and Senate.

Corporate donations to campaigns will soon be illegal, while Unions will able to donate whatever they want to anyone at anytime. Say goodbye to the Bush tax cuts and hello to Cap and Trade, the new tax on everything. A moderate 10% VAT is now on the table, to stop corporate interests from selling you what they want you to buy, and what you think you want to buy. Government will now takeover whatever industry we have in their sights next. The sane party of liberals will win forever and the insane Tea Party will disband. All because John Stewart drew 5 crillion people. Wait, make that 6 bajillion.

Better luck next time, Rethuglikkklanners. Your rally a few months ago had no one. We have everyone. Sheryl Crow is there. Goodbye Tea Party. In the words of the great Goldfinger, "We don't expect you to talk. We expect you to die."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Teabag Fascist Nazi

Teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag. Teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag. Teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag. Teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag teabag.Teabag teabag teabag.

Fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist. Fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist. Fascist fascist fascist. Fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist fascist.

Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi. Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi. Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi. Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi. Nazi Nazi. Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi.

When is the Tea Party going to be regulated so we don't have do deal with things like the upcoming election anymore?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stupid Christine O'Donnell Doesn't Know That the Constitution Says Whatever Chris Coons Wants it to Say

Poor Christine O'Donnell. In a debate earlier this week, she made herself out to be an utter fool, not knowing that the Constitution contains whatever Chris Coons, her opponent in the Delaware Senate race, wants it to contain.

"Separation of Church and State" is in there. It's right there in the history books. Maybe someone should read a few of those books to her sometime. I'm sure Chris Coons owns some. Maybe he can lend them to her before the next debate. Also the right to regulate whatever Chris Coons wants to regulate, and to tax people for any reason Chris Coons can come up with. That's in his copy, too. It's called the "Commerce Clause". This witch sorely needs to buy a clue.

Unlike Christine O'Donnell, Chris Coons had absolutely no trouble knowing the most basic facts about what Chris Coons thinks the Constitution says. Just because he got a little tripped up and hasn't memorized every exact word or right contained in it doesn't mean he doesn't know what he thinks the Constitution means. And that's the difference. Christine O'Donnell is all about the so-called "words", and Chris Coons is all about the bigger picture. The much bigger picture. The picture created by Chris Coons.

Maybe if O'Donnell had prepared for the debate and taken the time to really understand Chris Coons' interpretation of the Constitution, rather than her own limited, xenophobic and literal reading of it, she wouldn't have come off looking so dumb. As it stands, Chris Coons outshined her thoroughly in reciting the Chris Coons Version of the Constitution. In fact, it wasn't even close.

Like all Tea Partiers, Christine doesn't even know the most basic fact about the Constitution, which is that it's first and foremost a living document. This means that the interpretations of the same exact words must change, as society changes. This is what the Founding Fathers intended, and this is what Chris Coons understands. For example, "shall not" might have meant "can not" at one time, but now it might mean "should not, but can". The disparity between what Christine O'Donnell said was in the Constitution and what Chris Coons thinks is in there was absolutely mindblowing. And sad for Tea Partiers everywhere.

But O'Donnell's most embarrassing flub came when she asked Coons what the five basic rights enumerated in the First Amendment were, and he didn't answer. That was probably the biggest possible showcase of her utter ignorance. Free advice for the next debate, honey: Next time you want to know what the five basic rights in the First Amendment are, you should probably Google it instead of wasting Chris Coons' valuable time.

The Mega Independent, true to our unbiased objective reporting, is not endorsing anyone in this race.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Campaign 2010 - Number One Issue On Voters' Minds: What is "The Event"?

A new NBC poll released yesterday finds that most voters this year just want to know what The Event is.

Is it some kind of apocalypse? Alien contact? A time traveling, butt-kicking Hitler clone? Whatever it is, it's a rollercoaster thrillride of nonstop action, and that's apparently what's going to matter most when voters pull the lever this year.

Which party is going to deliver on said thrillride? Is it the boring Republicans and their constant whining about terrorism, debt and spending? Or is it the Democrats, who, should they be voted in for another two seasons, have lots and lots more adventure and suspense in store for the country?

Here is the top list of likely voter concerns, according the NBC poll, dated October 10th:
1. What is The Event
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. The Chilean Miner's Mistress
4. Taylor Swift's New Album
5. Shoes
There was an error in this gadget

Showcase Your Objectivity! Follow The Mega Independent!