Obama Apologizes to Libya For Missile Strikes

Sunday, as the bombs rained down on specific targets inside Libya, President Obama was busy preparing a historic unprecedented speech, in which he would apologize for America's atrocities at the same exact time it was committing them.

Last evening, Obama gave that speech.

"In America, there’s a failure to appreciate the wonderfulness of the arab world, and all that the Muslims have contributed to modern society", he said. "The arrogance with which we hold our heads up as the universe's policemen hurts me, almost as much as it hinders world progress. In short, we are sorry for all this bombing that I have unilaterally ordered."

A little later on, he continued, "In a world that is as complex as it is, it is very important for us to be able to forge partnerships as opposed to simply dictating solutions. Therefore, from the bottom of my aching heart, I apologize for all these missiles.”

"It's true that our government has made decisions based on fear rather than foresight, that all too often we trimmed facts and evidence to fit ideological predispositions, and then started dropping bombs on you. If the people of Libya listen carefully, you should be able to hear these words. 'Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry. Bang. I'm sorry.'"

Finally, he concluded with the following stirring words, "It is not and will never be America's place to be the moral rulers of mankind, as we too have made mistakes of our own, including those this very week in your nation. On behalf of America and its wide array of historical moral failings, including but not limited to, slavery, segregation and Islamophobia, I am sorry. I am sorry for what we've been, I'm sorry for what we are and I am sorry for what we have become. I'm also sorry once again for the missiles."