TMI Poll: Dangerous Rhetoric! What Do We Do Now?

As dangerous political rhetoric has now brought the country to a violent overflowing boil, it is time to start revisiting the question over what speech is still acceptable and what speech goes too far. But before we talk about that, we need to first talk about what can be done to bring the perpetrators of heated rhetoric to justice before they speak or write even more of it in the future.

We polled 7,000 Independent readers to gauge their observations on this divisive issue, and for the first time ever, allowed votes for more than one choice. Thank you for voting!

I Remember Back Before 2008 When Political Rhetoric Was Not Heated

The heated rhetoric in American politics has been simmering for quite a while, finally boiling over with a horrific mass murder in Arizona this weekend.

But as you'll recall, the crazy political talk only started in 2008. And it's not surprising since there are so many racists out there who hate having a black president. Unfortunately, one only need look to the Tea Party to see where this country has gone wrong in its divisive, violent rhetoric. Before 2008, America was a land where politics was discussed and reported on with sheer frivolity, and spoken of using only fun, safe metaphors.

As you remember, when George W. Bush was president, this country was a place of rational dissent (if you could even call it dissent), where "protesters" spoke and behaved very formally as if right out of Shakespeare. Who can forget when those scamps at Code Pink rushed a stage and tried to gently place handcuffs on Karl Rove for "war crimes" and shouted, "Forsooth, oh merciful tongue! And ye will disavow it, yet I must not. Our remedies in ourselves often do lie."

And we must certainly recall when only peaceful protesters stood near the doors to the Marine recruitment centers in Berkeley, California, how artfully their words were chosen. "Within this hour at most I will advise you where to plant yourselves, ye shall not behold your face at ample view," they casually announced.

And remember when our political commentators were solely composed of the rational and the sane? Like when Keith Olbermann simply went on TV and broadcast his peaceful opinion to all. "But, soft!", he said in a Special Comment in June of 2006, "What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and George W. Bush, whom everyone needs to respect completely at all times, is the sun."

As the animals on the right have lost control over themselves, it is time to not only restrict speech and guns, it is also time to choose our own words more carefully. For example, instead of "battleground state", The Mega Independent will be culling from a list of possible less inflammatory replacements, including, but not limited to, "important states", "states where the race may be close" and "places to watch". We, as the responsible media, must first lead by example. But Dick Cheney is still Hitler.

Merry Christmas, Infidels

As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them.

Sarah Palin's Latest Stupidity: She Thinks Earth is a Plant

In a twitter message to her legion of followers the other day, Sarah Palin referred to our home, Earth, as a "plant".

"Can you believe she actually thinks Earth is a plant?", asked one anonymous Democrat Strategist. "If so, then where's all the chlorophyll, genius?!"

"Yeah," asked another, "What kind is it? Let me guess! A rhododendron!"

And here all along, we at The Mega Independent thought Earth was actually a planet, hurtling through space and orbiting the sun for billions and billions of years. Thank goodness Sarah Palin was there to correct us and remind us that we're all just living on a big leafy thing sitting in a pot somewhere.

She later corrected her tweet, claiming that it was a simple typo that anyone could make, but we know the real truth. She doesn't know the difference between planets and plants.

"What happened", asked one longtime Republican campaign manager who asked that he not be named, "Does she think that someone picked us up in the garden section at Home Depot? What an idiot!"

"Yeah," said another, "That must be some big plant! A big round plant!"

One of the main criticisms of Palin since bursting on the political scene is that she lacks the gravitas of basic scientific knowledge that everyone else has. The fact that she thinks Earth is a plant is not going to help her in this regard.

What's next, Sarah? Jupiter is a tree?

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Democrats Petition Dancing With the Stars For Brandy vs. Bristol Recount

Last night's Dancing With the Stars is not without its controversy, as Bristol Palin, the much maligned daughter of former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, skated through into the television show's final round, beating out supreme megastar of the universe, Brandy.

The results of the vote, believed by many to be part of a much grander Tea Party conspiracy, is being questioned by some prominent liberal lawmakers, including Al Franken, the amazing, accomplished senator from Minnesota. "While it appears on the surface that the maligned Bristol Palin won fair and square, it's very possible there may be some 'lost' sets of votes that might possibly turn up in favor of Brandy", remarked a Franken aide. "We just want to make sure the process is fair."

Along with texting and computer voting, apparently many of the votes are still phoned in to old fashioned answering machines, and these machines are often transported via car trunk to central headquarters where they are counted by staffers by hand. "Disenfranchised answering machines", explained an anonymous Capitol Hill Democrat with a wink, "have a habit of turning up in the craziest places".

A report by someone close to DWTS claims that 200,000 votes for Brandy have already been found on a computer server that was mistakenly switched off by a staffer on Tuesday morning.

And reportedly another 80,000 votes for Brandy took a wrong internet turn on Monday night and ended up stalled all night in network traffic.

In addition, more than 50,000 votes were dialed in for the often maligned Bristol on phones with the old fashioned rotary dial and had to be thrown out completely. "Did they mean to dial a five and their finger missed the hole and dialed a seven instead? We just can't reasonably establish 'voter intent' in those cases", said the Franken aide. When you dial a seven on a rotary phone, the rotary dial actually goes past the five on its way to its destination.

"Maybe those voters wanted to vote for Brandy and Bristol once each, and didn't feel like making two separate calls. You just don't know. So we throw out the votes in the interest of complete fairness and integrity."

And while 300,000 or so found votes for Brandy sounds like the recount might be tipping the scales a little bit in favor of the incredibly talented singing superstar who everyone adores, it's fair to note that during the recount process, 2 more votes for Bristol turned up, also.

Added the aide to Franken, "Nothing is more sacred in America than the voting process, and we're going to make sure that every vote gets counted until the outcome is what it should be. Brandy got hosed."

Bazooka Barry and His Gang