We are the 99%. You there in the 1%... you are the minority. Get used to it.
And you're not just any regular minority, with special rights, or any rights. You're the kind of minority that a minority should be. You have no rights. We have the power. And we are going to wield that power with brute force. There is a lot more of us than there is of you and you can't do anything about it. We are the 99%.
That's the way it works in this country, bub. When there's a lot of one type of person and a little of another, that little of another gets to be intimidated, threatened, ransacked and cowed. That's what we in the 99% have always stood for. We are the 99%.
And don't start with all this "minority rights" stuff. We are the 99% and we are the minority. Don't ask us how that is. Don't ask us why that is. Just shut up and take it. You are outnumbered. We are the 99%.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Obama Creates Job By Replacing Teleprompter With Cuecard Guy
In this era of automation, and computers taking over our lives, it is nice to see that we have a President willing to stand up for the little guy. President Obama reminded us last week that ATM's and airport kiosks are one of the main reasons we're facing record unemployment and skyrocketing food and energy prices. Think of how much money we could save if we hired somebody to do everything instead of having machines do it all for us. This is the kind of progressive, forward thinking that Democrats are constantly engaging in to get you back to work.
In the spirit of that, the President has put his money where his mouth is and has banned the teleprompter from all Presidential speeches, lectures, meetings and kindergarten classrooms, and instead will be carting around a Cuecard Guy, who will serve the same purpose as the teleprompter, but in addition will get all the benefits of working for the Federal Government, like a gold star healthcare and retirement plan for his family. In this economy, it is never the wrong time or place to create a job.
If you're interested in job creation yourself but can't create an actual job, you still can participate. Instead of sending that important document to your energy-hogging printer tomorrow morning, ask a secretary to copy it down for you with her ball point. And for breakfast, don't put your bread in the earth-murdering toaster. Instead, start a fire. Do it like all those well employed cavemen did. If you're a housewife, show your solidarity with the create-a-job movement by bringing your laundry down to the nearest fresh water stream and doing it with a washboard. Just like "being green", you don't have to actually accomplish anything or stick to any hard and fast principles. It's the thought that counts.
So thank you to President Obama for leading by example in this all important anti-technology employment movement. Stand with us, and we will get unemployment down, we will save his Presidency, and we will create jobs. Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.
In the spirit of that, the President has put his money where his mouth is and has banned the teleprompter from all Presidential speeches, lectures, meetings and kindergarten classrooms, and instead will be carting around a Cuecard Guy, who will serve the same purpose as the teleprompter, but in addition will get all the benefits of working for the Federal Government, like a gold star healthcare and retirement plan for his family. In this economy, it is never the wrong time or place to create a job.
If you're interested in job creation yourself but can't create an actual job, you still can participate. Instead of sending that important document to your energy-hogging printer tomorrow morning, ask a secretary to copy it down for you with her ball point. And for breakfast, don't put your bread in the earth-murdering toaster. Instead, start a fire. Do it like all those well employed cavemen did. If you're a housewife, show your solidarity with the create-a-job movement by bringing your laundry down to the nearest fresh water stream and doing it with a washboard. Just like "being green", you don't have to actually accomplish anything or stick to any hard and fast principles. It's the thought that counts.
So thank you to President Obama for leading by example in this all important anti-technology employment movement. Stand with us, and we will get unemployment down, we will save his Presidency, and we will create jobs. Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Special Advertising Section: An NBC TV Movie Event
Finding the most reclusive, most wanted terrorist in the world was the easy part. Planning and training a masterfully timed pinpoint accurate secret mission to attack and kill him was also pretty easy. But giving the go-ahead to go through with it once everything was ready and waiting on the table? That? That was hard.
This is the story about one man. One man who refused to say no after a while, and then had the guts to finally stand up and say "yes".
As in, "Yes. You go ahead and do what you're trained to do. You guys are a bunch of soulless automatons of the US military-industrial complex anyway. Me? I'm the one that nods the head. I blink once for yes, {blink} and twice for no, {blink} {blink}. I'm like a cobra. A cobra that does it all and doesn't need any credit for it, even though I somehow end up taking virtually all of the credit when things go well, and/or getting far, far away from blame when they don't. And if you were paying attention, you could even argue that I fought against every policy that enabled this to happen.
Look. Let me be clear. As I said before, I can't help it if people want to look at this and acknowledge how amazing I am, {blink} {blink} {blink}.
Yeah, three blinks is maybe. As in, 'maybe' I am pretty incredible after all."
Bang bang, hiding terrorist. He got you. He got you because he loves America and is a great, great person who is better than anyone else and did this all by himself because no one helped especially Republicans.
Get yourself ready for a very important NBC television movie special:
Ripped from the headlines, and is not just some pre-planned laudatory biographical celebration that's been waiting in a can somewhere for something big to happen so we have a prime time excuse to show you over and over again why this guy makes us weak in the knees.
The Man Who Got Bin Laden. Every night at 8 and every day at 11 and 3. Don't miss it.
This is the story about one man. One man who refused to say no after a while, and then had the guts to finally stand up and say "yes".
As in, "Yes. You go ahead and do what you're trained to do. You guys are a bunch of soulless automatons of the US military-industrial complex anyway. Me? I'm the one that nods the head. I blink once for yes, {blink} and twice for no, {blink} {blink}. I'm like a cobra. A cobra that does it all and doesn't need any credit for it, even though I somehow end up taking virtually all of the credit when things go well, and/or getting far, far away from blame when they don't. And if you were paying attention, you could even argue that I fought against every policy that enabled this to happen.
Look. Let me be clear. As I said before, I can't help it if people want to look at this and acknowledge how amazing I am, {blink} {blink} {blink}.
Yeah, three blinks is maybe. As in, 'maybe' I am pretty incredible after all."
Bang bang, hiding terrorist. He got you. He got you because he loves America and is a great, great person who is better than anyone else and did this all by himself because no one helped especially Republicans.
Get yourself ready for a very important NBC television movie special:
Ripped from the headlines, and is not just some pre-planned laudatory biographical celebration that's been waiting in a can somewhere for something big to happen so we have a prime time excuse to show you over and over again why this guy makes us weak in the knees.
The Man Who Got Bin Laden. Every night at 8 and every day at 11 and 3. Don't miss it.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Finally Something That Isn't Bush's Fault
Isn't it refreshing. After 26 months in office, finally something has happened that is not the fault of George W. Bush, the presidential predecessor who nearly wrecked the entire world and couldn't get Bin Laden.
The assassination of Osama Bin Laden is so precisely of Barack Obama's doing that to argue otherwise would be positively insane. You know, sort of like asking to see Obama's birth certificate. Har har har. Stupid tea partiers. This is how a real president conducts a war. The Republicans, were they not so closed-minded, could start learning some valuable lessons here.
Now, thankfully, we can get back to the tanking economy, streaking unemployment, and untenable food and gas prices which all still have absolutely nothing to do with Obama or the Democrats. Yes We Did!!!
The assassination of Osama Bin Laden is so precisely of Barack Obama's doing that to argue otherwise would be positively insane. You know, sort of like asking to see Obama's birth certificate. Har har har. Stupid tea partiers. This is how a real president conducts a war. The Republicans, were they not so closed-minded, could start learning some valuable lessons here.
Now, thankfully, we can get back to the tanking economy, streaking unemployment, and untenable food and gas prices which all still have absolutely nothing to do with Obama or the Democrats. Yes We Did!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
"Taxday" by Rebecca Barack (Sung to "Friday" by Rebecca Black)
Yeah, yeah
[Rebecca Barack - Verse 1]
7pm, standin' up at the podium
Gotta focus, gotta read the totus
Gotta be smart, gotta sound cereal
Seein’ all the words, the scroll is rollin’...
Scrollin’ on and on, everybody’s listenin’
Gotta get down to the bot-tom
Gotta catch my golf cart... I see my Dems...
Starin' at the rich folk
Eyein' all the old folk
Gotta make my mind up...
Whose money can I take...?
It’s Taxday, Taxday
Grabbin' it all on Taxday
All my comrades lookin’ forward to the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Everything's mine on Taxday
You know I'll be spreadin' the wealth... on the fifteenth (yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
7:45, I'm drivin’ at the first hole
Golfing's so hard, I want the ball to fly
One, One, thinkin' about One
You know I'm The One...
I got this, you had this
Your money's in my hand...
I got this, you had this
And don't, you, miss, it?
Glancin' at the left one
Gazin' at the right one
Gotta flip a coin now...
Which pocket should I pick...?
[Chorus]
It’s Taxday, Taxday
O-M-G! it's Taxday
None of my buddies pay them on the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Food tastes better on Taxday
You know I'll be spreadin' the wealth... on the fifteenth (yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Taxday, Taxday
I-I-I so excited
I so excited
I gonna take it all to-day...
Tomorrow is the sixteenth
And the seventeenth comes after...wards
I don’t want April Fifteenth to end.........
[Rap Verse]
MC Rebecca Barack
He chillin’ on the front nine (on the front nine)
On the back nine (on the back nine)
He's driving, pitchin'
Using clubs, switchin’ clubs
Wit' a shot in the sand...
Get a caddy now, to go dig it out
Mulligan, mulligan, it didn't happen
Just like the first two years of his presidency
We still blamin' Bush for the last eight years, nevermind...
[Chorus]
It’s Taxday, Taxday
Love be-ing me on Taxday
My cronies get your money on the fifteenth, fifteenth
Taxday, Taxday
Growin' the gov on Taxday
You know we'll be fattenin' up... on the fifteenth (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Czar-y-in’, Czar-y-in’, (Yeah)
Spread, Spread, Spread, Spread
Lookin’ forward to the fair-ness
[repeat and fade]
Monday, April 11, 2011
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