Green Dating Tips

Global Warming is a problem that we all face, but there are ways to be green without sacrificing love. Here are some tips to be more environmentally conscious in your romantic lives.

* For her: Men waste a lot of energy and release a lot of excess carbon trying to bed you. Always put out on the first date.

* For him: Voicemail is stored on computers which release nasty environmental polluting carbon into the atmosphere. If you call a woman you've been on a date with and she doesn't answer her phone, do not leave a voicemail. Try calling back over and over and letting it ring until she answers.

* For him: The factories that produce chocolate are bastions of industrial waste. Try bringing her some homegrown sprouts instead.

* For her: If he takes you out to a restaurant, do not order any food. Instead give him a speech about how mass produced food is merely a capitalist byproduct of the powerful military-industrial complex, which keeps all the sheep happy and timid in our defenseless little herd. He will admire you for your strong beliefs.

* For him: When we breathe, we let out lots of earth murdering carbon dioxide. If your date is telling you a story, try staring intently at her and holding your breath until you can't hold it anymore. Repeat until the story is finished. The carbon you save will be equivalent to that released by giving a small child a ride to school.

* For him: If you notice she is talking a lot, try putting your finger to her lips and gently whispering to her, "Shhhhh... the Earth needs less carbon dioxide."

* For her: Laughing releases ten times as much carbon as regular respiration. Do not laugh at his jokes or stories. Instead, write "That is a very funny story." on a Post-It and then stick it to his plate.

Remember, the environment is ours to share. Together, we CAN make a difference.