Sunday, February 7, 2010

Breaking: Sarah Palin Mega Scandal!

Sarah Palin gave a speech to the tea party convention in Nashville last night. But special cameras reveal that all is not what it seemed.

Ms. Palin stood in front of a podium, with a slanted surface and a small lip, and on this lip was a collection of hand written note cards. And attached to the podium was a double microphone, used to elevate and project her voice through artificial speakers that were strategically placed around the large room to fool attendees into believing she speaks much louder than she really can.

"Great orators do not hide behind podiums and microphones", said one Democratic strategist. "George Washington did not need a podium to cross the Delaware, Abraham Lincoln did not free the slaves with a microphone, and Martin Luther King's famous speech was called 'I Have a Dream', not 'I Have Some Little Note Cards'".

At many points through the evening, Palin showed herself to be far out of her element, shuffling her cards one after the other after the other like a smarmy Vegas blackjack dealer. When poor Sarah was finished with each card, she would flip it over upside down as if to brag to everybody that she didn't really need it after all.

But the cameras tell the tale. As each new card was revealed, Palin's eyes would glance down at them, as if she was using them to recall various "points" while she spoke, like a nervous fifth grader giving her first ever public speech to her little public friends.

Palin was asked about running for president last night, and she did not rule it out. But someone should notify her that she will not be able to drag her giant wooden podium along with her when she meets with foreign heads of state. And that when she's at an important dinner gathering, she may have to actually project her voice to people without the supersonic technological assistance of a hidden double microphone.

Sarah may have captivated the teabaggers last night with her endless stream of assisted words, but the truth is quite clear... no matter how much she "mugs" for the camera, or how many cards she "leaves" behind, speaking off the cuff without help is quite obviously not her "cup of tea".
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