Sunday, February 14, 2010

Scientists: 2010 Already The Warmest Year on Record

Renowned climate scientists are warning that 2010 is already the warmest year on record.

"The data is terrifying," remarked one scientist who wished to remain anonymous. "If things continue this way, there will be no turning back from it. Ever."

The brutal winter that has hit much of the northern hemisphere has allowed low-knowledge skeptics to distort all of the facts. "The fact is we have weather stations, and these weather stations are reporting to our computers that this is the warmest year on record," continued the scientist. "Only an idiot would bother to disagree with a computer."

But computers get things wrong all the time, right? Wrong. A good computer can make over sixty trillion calculations in one second. We asked a global warming skeptic how many calculations he could make in a second, and he admitted that it was "probably one or two". Sixty trillion vs. two. You do the math.

But a weather station can be wrong, too, right? Wrong. Weather stations are just little computers that measure things. We asked the very same skeptic what the temperature was outside and, embarrassingly, he was off by three degrees. But a weather station can measure current temperature with accuracy to the third decimal point. Advantage, weather station.

So who are you going to believe? A scientist with a computer or some teabagging skeptic?

The science is clear. 2010 is the warmest year in the history of the planet. And even if it isn't, the ice caps are melting like crazy. And even if they're not, Greenland will be gone by the end of 2014. And even if it won't, the sea level is rising at a faster rate than ever. And even if it's not, the oceans' temperatures are warmer than ever before. And even if they're not, the carbon we are pumping into the atmosphere with our policies of greed is going to put the Earth at a dangerous "tipping point" from which there will be absolutely no return.

And even if it's not, some scientists tell us that the right mixture of greenhouse gases could potentially cause the sun to heat the Earth's crust much like a giant microwave, burning all of us slowly to a dried up crisp, like some medieval torture at Guantanamo Bay.

The data is in. 2010 is either the warmest year on record, or you enjoy the idea of everybody being microwaved to death.

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