Monday, August 9, 2010

2010 Year In Review

Well, 2010 has just about to come to a close and what a year it was.

Climate

First of all, according to every report and estimation, 2010 was the warmest year on record by a longshot. In fact, as of this writing, the temperature in the northeast was about 87 degrees, by far the hottest day for any of our Year-End reviews ever. On the day of our last one, for example, December 31st, 2009, the temperature was about 24 degrees, only 63 degrees cooler. How's about that one, wingnuts? Still don't believe in Global Warming?

Of course, despite 2010 being so warm, with the icecaps melting at an alarming rate, and there being a dire need for climate legislation where we all pay a lot of money to people who know exactly what to do with it to make everything better, the oceans have mysteriously already stopped their rise and the planet already begun to heal. We wonder why...

Politics

Entering 2010, pundits across the land were wailing about how there were going to be "massive gains" in the House and Senate for the Republicans, and that one or both houses may even turn over. Well, by our non-partisan independent count, the Republicans gained one entire seat in the Senate in 2010, and, as the year comes to a hearty close, the Democrats still have two fistfuls of control in both houses. Better luck next year, Rethugs! From Party of No to Party of No... Gains!

Presidential Approval Rating

Although it was a difficult year for the President, with many a Republican-caused, Bushian-Rovian crisis averted, The Mega Independent Approval Rating Forecast Index shows an upward trend for him as the end of 2010 draws upon us, that is nearly vertical in places.

Eat your heart out, Mount Everest! Only this line shows no sign of going back down on the other side! Our Index is like a big steep group of stairs in a giant building that are so narrow, you can only go one way! Up, up, up!

In case of fire, break glass and jump out... way out... to the safety trampoline below! What a year! He's off the chart! What number is higher than 100? We may need to invent one before it's all said and done!

World Events

Environmentally, 2010 will be remembered as one of the safest, cleanest years ever. The President is moving us to clean renewable fuels, such as solar, air, water, clouds, sky and rainbows. He knows that there is still somewhat of an "old way" reliance on oil, but he is keeping the messy part away from us by enforcing even stricter standards which will make sure that oil is only extracted from the deepest, darkest, most pressure filled parts of the sea, as far away from land as possible. That's why Republicans are the Party of Pollution and Democrats are the Party of Science.

The Respectful Disagreement With Man Caused Events

Despite the warnings of frantic right wing nuts, Iran still doesn't have "the bomb", but rather a whole lot of harmless centrifuges doing some virtuous calculations and spinning around like an innocent four year old ballerina. But hey, let's attack them for oil anyway!

Guess if "the bomb" is so bad, we should give it up, too, then. That would only be fair, right? Oh yeah? Well, tell it to Japan! Too late now! We've made our bed and if some nut destroys the Western World with some really big bombs, we know who we'll be blaming... and it definitely won't be the nut!

And in other man-caused news, nobody successfully "attacked" anyone on U.S. soil or in a major urban center, and if they did, it was because they were angry about a foreclosure, or maybe the Presiden't skin. Sometimes things happen for reasons that aren't immediately explainable by a confession, or by a blood-curdling shout of the words "Allahu Akbar" (which our translator tells us has many different interpretations).

Wrap-Up

2010 was a glorious year. It was a warm year, where people across the land barbecued, swam in outdoor pools, and even attended Major League Baseball games as we penned the annual year-end summary, and nobody batted an eyelash. The Republicans tried very hard to distract you from the Year Without A Winter by talking about stuff like "jobs", but the Mega Independent was there to break the story. A story that affects you, and your skiing.

It was a year where the political landscape shifted barely at all, if not slightly leftward, and Obama received massive adulation and rating in our Patented Presidential Approval Index. It was a year in which no one was attacked by a "scary moslem person", and if they were, the attack was unsuccessful and for reasons that need to be explained to you.

We're looking forward to independently serving you in the most objective way possible tomorrow, when the next year starts and we do it all again. Go Big D!!!
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