Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Memo: Now We Will Substitute the Word "Racist" With the Word "Bigot"

CONFIDENTIAL MEGA INDEPENDENT MEMO - FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY - DO NOT POST

Mega Letterhead

Aug. 18, 2010

Colleagues,

Here is some guidance on covering the dissident opposition for the foreseeable future, with assists from friends in our Chicago bureau and in Washington:

1. The term "racist" is no longer appropriate. While it worked for a while to stifle the dissent of various teabagging types, the general public are now practically ignoring it due to it's egregious (yet correct) overuse. There was also a videotape that circulated a few weeks back where it appeared a woman of color had herself been a "racist" many years ago. Now the word "racist" has lost its useful power and meaning.

2. The fact is Americans now apparently believe that people of any color or gender can be considered "racist", which is a most disheartening turn of events for us. We suggest that from now on, every time you want to call someone a "racist" in an article, you instead use the more supercharged term, "bigot".

3. "Bigot" paints a picture of hatred and intolerance from an Archie Bunker type, and we need that picture in order to cut through the lies and distortions of our opponents, and continue the distribution of Megatruth to the masses.

"RACIST" IS NOW "BIGOT" ... "RACISM" IS NOW "BIGOTRY"

Some examples of how to use the new terms correctly include:

• Instead of "The racist tea partiers gathered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial", use "The tea partiers gathered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and let's face it, they're just a bunch of bigots, anyway"

• Instead of the headline "Racism Suspected In Republican Opposition to Obama Agenda", try "Bigotry Suspected in Republican Opposition to Obama Agenda"

Has a nice ring, doesn't it?

NOW GIVE IT A BOOST

One of the unintended benefits of this forced word switch includes being able to emphasize it with very powerful adjectives.

a. "The bigots don't want healthcare reform because they are in the pocket of the insurance companies" becomes "The hateful bigots don't want healthcare reform because they are in the pocket of the insurance companies".

b. "Although they claim they merely oppose out of control government spending, we know that it all just boils down to bigotry" becomes "Although they claim they merely oppose out of control government spending, we know that it just boils down to vicious, resentful, sleazy bigotry, the likes of which has not been seen in this country since the execrable Jim Crow era".

(Use your mentions of Jim Crow sparingly. Pick your spots. About once every three articles is the correct ratio. More than that would seem like we are exploiting embarrassing history for gain, less than that would seem like we aren't exploiting embarrassing history for gain enough.)

Note: Be wise about your word use. If you previously were going to call someone a "big racist", it would not be appropriate to make a simple substitution and call them a "big bigot". That clearly does not trip off the tongue. We suggest "large bigot", "huge bigot", "enormous, hulking bigot", or "oversized, thundering bigot who hates".

Thank you.

Postscript. In six months to a year, we will be sending out a similar memo, except instead of replacing "racist" with "bigot", we will be replacing "bigot" with "zealot". DO NOT use the word "zealot" or "zealotry" in reference to the rightwingers yet. But by all means keep using it when talking about terrorists and terrorism. We need to roll that one out very slowly so as not to diminish its power before the 2012 elections get underway.

Thank you and happy independent unbiased newsgathering to all!!!
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