Sunday, August 15, 2010

Planning Board Gives Thumbs Up to Ham Sandwich Factory on Top of Mama Cass's Grave

Mama Cass Elliot of "Mamas and the Papas" fame is about to get some much needed company in her final resting place. A 20,000 square foot state-of-the-art ham sandwich factory will serve the people that love them, churning out up to 50,000 ham sandwiches a day. There will also be an accompanying museum dedicated to celebrating the history of this especially tasty food item.

"The ham sandwich is not completely 100% perfect", says the developer and future curator of the museum, Shark51, "but it sure is delectable, and so many people love it to this very day, and do believe it is 100% perfect. Yes, it is tragic what happened to Mama Cass, having apparently accidentally choked to death on one, but we must all remember that part of a ham sandwich was lost that day, too."

"In fact, the ham sandwich really would be 100% perfect were it not so misunderstood", he continued, "and we hope this will be a place where everybody can grow and learn."

The Mega Independent Research Team has found that over a million pounds of ham sandwiches are consumed each year by people who love them. And although Mama Cass's particular encounter with one was not so fortunate, it is certainly not the fault of people who love ham sandwiches. "America is supposed to be a place of free enterprise and freedom to do whatever you want anywhere, is it not?", queried the curator, with a wry smile.

A 30 foot tall statue of a half eaten ham sandwich will loom extra tolerantly over her headstone and grave, so that thousands a day may show up to worship its glory. And as for why the developer has chosen this particular site, he spoke of community and of America's traditions. The new company, "Fat Singing Bitch Who Eats Too Fast, Incorporated", will occupy the site and create the tasty delights.

Asked if he thought the name of the company might be insensitive to some, especially given the proposed location of its manufacturing headquarters, the curator explained that a "Fat Singing Bitch Who Eats Too Fast" historically would represent a place where sandwiches and people have come together and existed very harmoniously. And developer Shark51 gives what they hope will be the last word on this story: "Anyone who finds this factory or its location offensive is really the offensive one."
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