Saturday, December 26, 2009

Mega Indy-vestigation: Is Sarah Palin a Vampire?

One question that has plagued independents since last year is the question of whether Sarah Palin is a vampire. We have sent several investigators to Alaska to tackle both sides of the issue. On one side, there is the possibility that Palin is a vampire from the deepest nether regions of hell. On the opposite side, there is the possibility that Palin is a vampire from the deepest bowels of hell.

"Let's say she isn't a vampire," remarked one anonymous Democratic strategist we talked to in Alaska, "did anyone from the McCain campaign bother to check if she was a vampire? We're talking one heartbeat away here. Where was the vetting? No wonder they lost."

Several people in Alaska feigned complete ignorance when confronted about the Palin Vampire Issue. "What are you talking about?", asked a person we encountered on the street who was an obvious friend of the Palins.

Despite our best efforts, we were unable to uncover any definitive proof that Palin is not a vampire or that hubby Todd was not ever a member of a secret Alaska Vampire Party. When our investigators asked some people where Palin was, they would not tell us or claimed they didn't know, suggesting that she could in fact be out feasting on the blood of the living for her immortal subsistence.

It's unfortunate that Mrs. Palin's perfidiousness knows no bounds, but you know what they say about vampires. You just can't trust them.

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